This post comes to you courtesy of a question asked by a certain sibling of mine – about addressing “the Wait”. Before I launch into my own ideas, can I just share with everyone reading this that my own approach to this has been so wrong thus far? Or at least how I am going to change my approach?!
What I’ve been doing wrong
On the whole, I feel quite empowered and confident about many issues regarding “relationships” (or rather “not-yet-relationships”), and my approaches to them, and I feel extremely confident that these approaches will produce good results. Yet in some ways I can still find myself getting very frustrated. Regarding this “the Wait thing”, the chief thing that I have been doing wrong is letting myself believe that there were not really any excellent guys out there, or enough excellent guys. So literally the moment someone even vaguely promising “showed up” I would start praying intensively…even before I really got to know the guy in question. And then Mr “Could-he-be-the-One?” would demonstrate his true nature, and I would turn away in disgust…So in a way I have not always really allowed myself to experience “the Wait”, but have rather been finding various people to pray about…
How things could be
I think that a great thing would be to get yourself to the place where you want to be in life, even while being ready for anything unexpected, even while hoping and praying. And then you can set aside a consistent time to pray for Mr or Ms. Right, even while continuing to live your life. I don’t think that the goal of finding a spouse should dominate your life. I definitely don’t want it to dominate MY life. If you set aside a consistent and sufficient time to pray about it, and also make sure you do the right things – socialise enough, go out there and make friends, then in a way you don’t have to worry about it constantly, but you can rest assured that it is being taken care of, and that it will happen in its time, or in God’s time, rather!
What if it never happens?
This is not a thought I like to meditate upon. However, I have to acknowledge this possibility – I might NEVER get married or find “the One”. So what, I’m not going to live my life because of that?! I don’t think so! So my goal is to fill my life with joy and beauty and surround myself with excellent people, so that if Mr Huggie-Wuggie never does show up, or if he seriously takes his time to the point where I’ve almost given up on him, I can still look back on a life that is full of worth and meaning and friendship and love!
Are you seriously ready for someone?
As much as I would love to have a husband, I have to acknowledge that at the moment my life is just not ready for it. I am busy working on various blogs, businesses, establishing different things. It’s not like these things would disappear when I am ready for a relationship, but at least they would have reached a point of equilibrium, where I feel confident in what I am doing, and I can dedicate the necessary attention to cultivating a relationship and learning how to communicate with the guy. It’s like when you are learning to walk – you have to focus all your attention on that learning, it requires so much concentration….However, when you have actually learned to walk, you can do it effortlessly without thinking and do dozens of other things at the same time. So with my personal endeavours I am currently “learning to walk”, and having to devote all my energies into it. However, when I have learned, I can then devote that same energy focus and attention to other things while “walking” confidently around.
How my life is going to be different.
Firstly, I believe that God has been working in my heart to convince me that I can trust Him fully. Either there is an excellent guy out there that He has prepared for me, or He will graciously uphold me in singleness so that I don’t feel lonely or deprived. Either way, I don’t have to feel desperate or panicky, but I can relax, and trust that He has it under control!
First 2 years
Firstly, I am not going to even look at someone as a marital possibility until I have known them for a full two years. I have referred to this in a previous article. It is because it is often recognised that it takes a full 2 years of knowing someone before you can be sure you have a good understanding of their character.
I am still going to be praying for the right person during that time. According to my unapologetically fussy criteria, there is currently no-one in view at all for me. I guess it’s quite convenient for me as I would not mind a couple of years to establish my businesses. However, for anyone out there who is already established in their career and on a steady track, with no-one currently in view – I implore you – do not resent the idea of waiting 2 years to get to know someone, but rather embrace those two years! The truth is, I’ve known for a while about the 2 years thing, but every time I see another “possibility” I think “It’ll be fine”, and every time, I have been gloriously wrong! (And also, I also assumed that the 2 year thing applied once you were actually in a “relationship” with them) Obviously, as you are not actually in a relationship with any of these people at all, you could use the same 2 year period to get to know a few people, and then start considering possibilities (ie praying) when you have found someone appropriate.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.