(Well of course I need the man too, it’s just that in this post my focus is on the blog rather than the man!)
Well I have had a very interesting few weeks…and not in the most positive way. I don’t really want to spell out what happened – or rather did not happen, but it was nothing really bad or negative at all. However, I feel as if I know a lot more about myself. And top of my discoveries has been this: that I really need this blog. Really! In a way the “husband” thing can be a bit of a fantasy, in that I know that what I want is likely to be so different from what the reality of marriage will probably be. And yet the hope keeps driving me forward.
But that is not why I need this blog. To be honest I don’t really want to spell out the reasons why I do need it. But just realising it is powerful in and of itself. So to be honest I am immensely grateful that I have had the opportunity to maintain this blog. I’ve always regarded this blog as a gift to me, or perhaps as a gift from me to myself. But these recent realisations make me see that it is an even bigger gift to me than I had previously understood. That said, deep down I think I always suspected…
Apologies if none of this is making sense. If I was able to go into details about my realisations, I imagine that it would make a lot more sense. This blog can get so candid, and to share this thing seems a step too far. Ironically, what I have already freely shared and what I casually share might actually be a lot more revealing about myself. However just the thought of sharing this particular thing makes me wince a little inside. (And it is not even like it is such a big deal! It’s the kind of thing that people might hear, and think: “So is that it?!”)
But yeah! If things are similarly “interesting” for you, as they have been for me, can I suggest that you consider blogging to get some clarity? Waitttttttt! I know that doing this, what I am doing, is likely to be a bit much for people. In truth, it can sometimes be a bit much for me. However, I dare myself in levels of boldness! What I’m suggesting is this: to find a means of blogging anonymously – maybe through WordPress.com – and actually publishing the work, so other people can see it. Or you could perhaps consider using a pseudonym. You don’t need to share it on Facebook or anything! But if it is anonymous then you might feel freer to really say what you need to say. And then the most amazing thing is when it truly resonates with other people…which can be extremely validating!