OK, I know I said “coming soon”, and I do mean that, but…

OK, I know I said “coming soon”, and I do mean that, but…

[Perhaps this is completely irrelevant to most people, but the people behind this blogging software have gone making some elaborate changes, which make it fiddly, complicated and hard to understand…. which is why I accidentally started typing this blog post out in the title section… – but anyway…]

Yeah anyway, I know I said “coming soon”, and I do mean that, but I had to break out of that for this post…

And I guess that I could not just let Valentine’s Day pass without saying anything at all…

The long and short of it is that I’ve been at it again. Seriously! By “it”, I (of course) mean getting myself into somewhat awkward interactions with the stronger gender…again…yet again. And naturally, I can’t resist spelling out what I have been doing. Which as usual is a big fat nothing…deliberate!

Awkwardness by proxy…

Thinking of this makes me shake my head.

So there is this man, who bears literally the most tenuous resemblance to…someone. In fact he does not even look like him. There is just something that reminds me of him. And oh my goodness, I realised that I had subconsciously transferred the awkwardness from that other guy to this one! Walking past him a while ago, he kinda looked the other way, and I realised that I just never said hi to him, and he may have thought I just did not like him. So naturally I then needed to counteract this so I said a big enthusiastic “Hi!” and I think I may have over-compensated, and put a bit too much of my smile into it….

Now a lot of this is subconscious, and at least has been subconscious on my side. But it appears there might also be some things happening subconsciously on his side, because I don’t think he realises that since that time I smiled at him he has been stealing glances in my direction…constantly.

And that was all before today. Because today I only went and made things worse. Thinking it was one of my best friends I smiled one of my brightest, warmest smiles over my shoulder, the kind of smile that might start to give a man ideas, only to find that oh no, it was him again. And unfortunately I spent the whole day today literally grinning like a Cheshire Cat, when he coincidentally just happened to be in close proximity. Please remember that today happens to be the day after Valentine’s Day. Usually I sincerely cannot even tell when I’m smiling, and other people tell me I’ve been smiling to my unfailing surprise but today I was full of joy, and I could feel myself beaming from ear to ear all day (which coincidentally has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day!)

And then guess what? (Please Lord, let this man never see this blog!!!) I happened to glance in his direction and he actually fumbled with what he was holding. Because I am really holy and mature and humble I smiled within myself – but then literally seconds later when I was still feeling hot with myself I went and did exactly the same thing and I equally fumbled in turn!

And to think that all of this is by proxy?! None of this has anything whatsoever to do with this man himself, but rather it is merely because of the most tenuous resemblance to someone else, seriously?! I am going to have to aggressively puncture this awkwardness, and make the effort to talk to him and de-escalate this before it gets even worse, and I’m going to make the whole thing completely normal, but I’ll make sure to wipe the smile off my face before I do that..

And can you believe that this story is completely incidental?! This just happens to be a person I interact with?! There is absolutely nothing between me and this guy romantically, and there never will be, (although I must admit that I found myself wondering today whether he might have outstanding character….) but this just illustrates a typical episolde of my life! All said, he seems like a nice guy, so I am determined to completely de-awkwardify this and hopefully turn him into a friend, a nice unawkward friendship!

Mr Nice Hands
And then there is another guy! No, I would not call this particular situation “completely incidental”! What I will say about this is that I could not help noticing that he has nice hands, and he has been aggressively advertising a few other physical attributes, which I must admit are also quite nice too! (Because you know, the queen of holy, pragmatic, down-to-earth wisdom and common-sense is also the unapologetic queen of superficial!! But you always knew that, right?!) Ah yes, that was what occurred to when I was mentally thinking through this post a few hours ago: you know when someone who is a little “happy-go-lucky”, a bit of a “cheeky chappy” just instantly assumes a more mature and masterly demeanour in front of you. Because like most outspoken feminists out there naturally what I want (and I am being perfectly serious about this!) is a man who will confidently take control (without being bossy or treading over my dignity or my legitimate autonomy). But watching this from this particular individual I almost fainted. If it was ever appropriate for a woman to tell a man that he had nice hands, then please believe I would tell him, but I cannot think of a way to casually say that to anyone (male) outside my family, much less when there is already so much awkwardness existing between us (as usual, caused wholly by moi!) So the compliment must remain unsaid… But you know what I am definitely NOT going to do (this time)?! I am DEFINITELY not going to conduct a “relationship by blog” so if I have got anything to say to him, I am going to say it to his face. And where I have compliments to give, I am not going to pass them off as some kind of “joke”, OR go the other way and make them sound like some kind of marriage proposal! Actually wait, I’ve just remembered the reason why I will not be issuing any compliments – because you know sometimes some things just don’t need to to be stirred…you know?! Tosin you will stay away from..this individual… and you will tear your eyes away from those hands and instead redirect them back into your Bible where they belong!!! I should not even be joking about this (but whisper, they are very nice!) (At this point I can’t help stealing a look at my own hands. My hands are not the most feminine or beautiful of hands by any means, but they are still overwhelmingly my favourite body part, in general, and specifically relating to my own body (far more than my smile, which is what everyone else talks about!): my own hands by the grace of God (like most people’s hands) are so clever and so versatile and so hardworking. They write and they type and they clean and they cook and create beautiful craft items and they play musical instruments and eventually by God’s grace, they will hold Mr Huggie-Wuggie’s own hands, and caress his face. Furthermore, they might be female hands but they are still extremely strong! Maybe that is why I can’t help liking a pair of strong male hands, when I love hands in general so much!)

Long story short, I really need a husband! And you know what, I have finally started working on this, and praying in earnest. I am genuinely serious this time, Lord please bring this holy, wise, and gorgeous man, if not for my own sake then for the sake of the poor long-suffering people I interact with who have to put up with my loneliness and my overly bright smiles (and awkward compliments)!!!