Reminder whatever you want (in marriage)…


This is hopefully going to be a super quick post because I’ve got to get out of the house ASAP! It suddenly came back to my mind as a reminder: Whatever you want in marriage, what I have been recommending on this blog is still the best way: carefully choose a partner, evaluate them, build a foundation of friendship and of communication, pray hard. To be candid, what I primarily have in mind just now is sex. If that is what you want in marriage, then trust me that doing “all ove the above” that is still the best way to build your marriage.

Well you might be thinking: “Actually Tosin, I don’t particularly want marriage! I just want the sex itself!” Well here is the thing! I believe that a faithful marriage, and all of the above is still the best way to get what you want! What you need to do though is to go out to find a spouse who truly wants the same thing that you do. If you’re thinking “well all I want is sex so I don’t need to be so careful”, let me tell you that I believe that you are so wrong.  Even if they “only” want sex, I’m sure that as part of that many people would still want:

–  partners who are going to be faithful to them, at least as long as the relationship lasts
– actually good sex
– to avoid catching STDs etc
– partners who are going to treat them with respect, and integrity
– partners who are not going to take advantage of them, or try to scam them
– something genuinely fulfilling
– a peaceful life

I believe that a marriage would be the best choice for each of those things individually, and collectively too. Counter-intuitively, waiting to get married before having sex would also be best, otherwise you would likely just end up having a string of sexual encounters with different people, which would likely cheapen the amazing sex that you finally can build up with your eventual spouse.

When I have a little more time, I might sit down and spell out why a carefully chosen, faithful and loving marriage would overwhelmingly be the best option for all of those things. One thing I will say now is this:
People might think that having lots of casual sexual encounters might equate to “good sex”. However, from what people have told me and from what I have gleaned from my reading,  it seems that the quality of sex builds up over time with the same partner, as you learn one another’s bodies and get more and more comfortable with one another. If you think about it, even people who have affairs often tend to have affairs with the same person for years. I am of course not advocating that people should go out and have affairs. I am suggesting that you should be honest with yourself about your needs from the outset and deliberately seek out someone who wants the same thing, then you don’t need to go out to have affairs, but you can rather deliberately build a marriage with someone who could truly satisfy those needs, and then work together towards a place of ongoing mutual sexual satisfaction.

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