This woman’s story is *exactly* why I am not going near anyone sexually until I am financially stable in my own right

  4 views  

So…I recently came across this video on YouTube. And, as the title suggests, it explains just why I am not going to be going near anyone sexually *at all* until I am financially stable in my own right – not even a husband. In practice, that means that I am just not going to get married until I am financially stable, even if the prospective husband himself happened to be financially stable or secure.

To save you from watching the video, basically the woman in the video got married young, and was the breadwinner in the family. Then she had children with her husband. Now years later the husband has left her in a position where she and her children essentially have nothing and are facing homelessness.

This is exactly the sort of scenario I have always dreaded: to be a mother and to be scrambling around to garner the necessary resources to support your children, to be dragging your children behind you in financial precarity. This above all else is why I have always prioritised my businesses over getting a husband, as much as I have wanted a husband. Because I just do not want to have to be putting precious children through this kind of hardship. I don’t particularly want to be putting my own grown self through this kind of hardship either, but I am an adult, if financially push came to shove I could always crash on someone’s couch or impose on family. But to try to do that with children in tow? No. No no no no no no no! Furthermore, it is the very fact of having children that makes it harder for you to go out and make more money. The amount of care and attention that children require naturally and predictably detract from your ability to focus on anything else, like a job. For instance, you have to worry about who is going to be watching them, and then when they are ill you have to dash off work. Which also reminds me of another video title I saw within the last 24 hours or so: A child was ill at school. And the mother apparently refused to go to pick him up early! I did not actually watch that video, but I was stunned. I have heard of so many stories where parents hastily drop everything to go to pick up their sick children that it never occurred to me that someone could simply refuse!

What I would work towards instead would be to always have my own money so that if anything were to happen to the marriage, or my husband, I and my kids would still be able to maintain a comfortable level of living, without their having to experience too much upheaval. As a single woman I don’t mind the financial sacrifices that I might have to make, as long as they don’t involve disobeying God, and as long as they don’t physically put my life in danger. I’m talking about sacrifices like eating the same meal every day, wearing clothes to death. I recently caught sight of myself wearing a particular pair of trousers and I thought “OK Tosin, enough, these trousers must go!” Honestly it was not even a money thing. Rather an issue of carving time out of my extremely busy schedule to drag myself to the shops to buy replacements. Wearing clothes beyond their true lifespan like this, eating simple food, staying up all hours to work are the kind of sacrifices that I can decide to make and knowingly take on as a grown-up, for the sake of the financial goals I am working towards However, I would never want to force those same sacrifices on innocent children.

Now I have to admit that this might seem increasingly less relevant for me as the months and years go by as I age out of my natural childbearing years. However, without going into too much unnecessary information, let me just say that there are certain ways in which I am apparently quite young for my age, and that apparently extends to my physical body as much as my playful demeanour. Need I say more?! I will anyway! Not too long ago, I don’t want to identify when exactly, a stranger I had just met asked me if I was a student, and then a couple of days later I surprisingly found myself on the receiving end of some male attention. The candid truth is that these days I rarely go out and I have sincerely forgotten all these subtle dynamics of male and female interaction, or even that men check out women (and vice versa!) So this man was subtly but noticeably glancing in my direction. I noticed and I tried to mentally work out who it might be. Oh the mortification that swept over me when I finally realised: let’s just say he is a *lot* younger than me. A lot younger. A heck of a lot younger! So much younger that the idea of anything materialising between us would be completely unfeasible, not to mention that his mother would tear me to pieces – and rightfully so! And his Dad would not be too happy either, frankly! And that has been the story of my life if I’m going to be perfectly honest. My point is that childbearing is not as implausible as my age might suggest, because I am quite young for my age, both in physical appearance and also in the physical reality of my body. So this lady’s story as related in the video is not as irrelevant for me as it might be for other women of my age who have maybe already lived their lives, and had their children, and are possibly not still blogging about finding their first husband in their mid forties!

I’ve recently posted a video of a key idea on my blog that we as women should pursue financial excellence in singleness. However, watching this video reminded me that as women we should also pursue financial excellence in our own right, independent of our husbands’ wealth or financial success, even when we are happily married. So yes ladies, we should of course pursue financial excellence in singleness. But let no-one reading this blog be naive enough to think that we can abandon our financial pursuits when we get married, even to the proverbial billionaire that I spend all day watching AI videos about! So ladies, let us continue to pursue financial excellence regardless of our marital status. The following is a personal commitment that I have made for myself which you as a reader might find useful, or not useful and that is this: I have made a personal commitment not to bring children into this world until I know that I am personally in a stable position to look after them financially on an ongoing basis, no matter what, without any help from anyone else, including a husband. I mean, global warming and the increasing instability of the world mean that it might not be responsible to bring children into the world full stop, regardless of finances, but if a potential husband can overlook those other factors and still want children, the status of my personal finances is where I would personally draw a hard line in the sand.