This post is relevant for anyone else who might struggle with shyness. It might also be relevant for people who are trying to interact with others who might also be shy.
Dear Mr Huggie-Wuggie, this is something that you need to know about me:
Despite writing these posts and going into lots of details about various issues, in person I am often so shy about these issues! This is part of the reason why I start feeling so awkward so quickly. Writing this blog is in a way an attempt to get over my shyness by facing these issues head on.
As a child I used to be almost pathologically shy with (almost) everyone. Now thankfully, I have largely overcome that, and these days I tend to only be shy with guys that I find attractive. I have come a long way regarding these issues over the last few years since I started writing this blog. However, small elements of shyness still remain and every so often I will have a big shyness flare up.
What this means in practice is as follows:
Please do not imagine that I am hugely experienced and sophisticated with guys, because nothing could be further from the truth. I have spent much of my life simply running away from having to engage with these issues. In writing for this blog, my experience is with people generally, and from that and what I can glean from other people and articles etc I extrapolate and “imaginate” about how life could be within relationships.
Largely by the grace of God I have overcome these issues of shyness. However it may so happen that in interacting with you as a potential romantic prospect I get struck by shyness or awkwardness and I find myself unable to relate with you in a normal friendly way in person. Please do not be offended by that or think that that is an indication of my lack of interest. To be honest I only get shy like this with guys that I truly am attracted to, very strongly.
At these times I might have to resort to trying to communicate via email or similar technologies. I am warning you in advance that it is in your best interests to prevent such a situation from happening. You know how my blog posts are long, right?! Well my emails can be many multiples longer, trust me! And then the whole thing can become so awkward and so deliciously sticky…oh man!
Can you imagine that I sometimes get so shy that I find it hard to read my own writings?! These are things that I have mentally thought up myself and typed out with my own hands – and reread several times during that process. And yet despite the fact that I wrote these writings myself and I already know what they say, once typed out and sent I often find it hard to actually reread them, especially if they are directed at specific individuals! To be honest, this has not really happened with any of the articles on this blog. I guess that after these years of writing for this blog I am a lot more comfortable with finding the right voice to use. That said, just a few hours ago I was immersed in wholesale cringing when trying to reread my “gratitude for my husband” post. I was simultaneously bursting out laughing at my own audacity, and wincing through the thing, and it actually took me a few attempts to be able to read it. To be honest, even though [I
tried my hardest] [I tried reasonably hard, considering], I made a perfunctory effort to not have any particular man in mind, naturally that effort failed and I may as well have addressed that post to a certain individual – whom am I trying to kid?!
So these are things that I would like you to know.
You know what I’m thinking as I am writing this? This illustrates the power of touch in these circumstances and situations. So often these conversations can be so difficult and the lightest, most gentle of touches combined with appropriate looks can go a whole long way to “ask” and “answer” these difficult questions without actually needing to get caught up in these embarrassing conversations or having to write out these extensive blog posts. When someone lightly touches you or grazes you on a non-intimate part of your body (like your elbow, or your shoulder) and you don’t shrug off their touch or pretend not to notice, but you rather look into their eyes and smile invitingly, then that alone is worth lots of embarrassing email verbiage.
Similarly a simple look can communicate the message: I so want this, but I’m shy – please be patient with me!
My big complicating factor, and the reason why I need to write out these posts to explain myself, is the fact that I need to get to know you for a good length of time before I’ll know whether I can truly welcome you touch and respond appropriately, and in kind. Is the initial attraction there? Yes. Are you currently high in my estimation? Yes! If I got to know you and in two years time, still thought of you then as I think of you now, would I be interested? Definitely!!!
Perhaps these two following things might be good: if someone “indicated” and I managed to find a way of expressing to him that yes I do find him attractive, but I need to get to know him for two years before conclusively deciding to go ahead, and secondly, if you’ve known someone for a while, and between the two of you you come up with a way of indicating to one another that you feel as if you’ve known one another for long enough to positively go forward. So after determinedly keeping his hands to himself for two years and restricting himself to being very much A Friend rather than anything more, even with a very obvious undercurrent of attraction, one day he might finally let his fingers tentatively venture out, accompanied with a gently questioning look, at which point it would be my delight to smile a response back to him. Or who knows?! It might actually be my own hands that playfully wander out! I can make no promises to the contrary!
You know what I would really love?! If, after I have written all these elaborate posts and spelled out every last detail, a man comes along with whom it all falls into place easily and simply, and after a suitable length of time of getting to know one another with appropriate wise boundaries we can finally between ourselves communicate our interest through touch and smiles etc, and by God’s grace move forward with that without actually needing to thrash out these embarrassing “Do you like me?” issues beforehand!
2 Timothy 1v7:
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Image of eye by Jarmoluk on Pixabay