My biggest fear…just now!

Before launching into “my biggest fear”, a little admission. A few days ago I sat down and tried to write a blog post on quite an important subject, that is “putting friendship first”.  And I found it such hard going! Most blog posts on this blog are delivered so easily, and this particular post was simply refusing to translate itself from my mind to the page, (possibly because there are quite a few disparate threads that I am trying to weave together into a coherent whole!)  So I am going to take a wee break from that post and write very briefly on this idea for now, and hopefully “putting friendship first” will make its way out in its own sweet time!

So then, this is my biggest fear, just now, for myself – that I will let various things get the better of me and I will marry someone who is a good match for me, or even a great match for me, rather than holding out for someone who would be a phenomenal match – or phenomenal singleness.  That would be such a sad waste.  After holding out for so long, after writing this blog for 5 good years.  The difference that a good match versus a phenomenal match could make to my life could be so drastic. I cannot afford to let that happen!  So to avoid that, a big focus for me at the moment is to break, and uproot, through prayer, any fixation on emotional neediness.  

On a positive note, I’m feeling so happy because I feel that I am finally in a place of having both the understanding and the ability to be able to really spend serious time in prayer praying for my husband and all the countless “essential” attributes I would like him to have! (People generally advise that you should not have a list, but as things currently stand I am both utterly unrepentant about having a list and utterly insistent on my list!)  In short though, a determined and sincere, heartfelt pursuit of Christlike character shines out as a top priority more than ever!

OK, well that was short and sweet!  I am now going to go back to “putting friendship first” and see whether inspiration is smiling down on me for that post today! 🙂  – Actually, scratch that, I feel like writing a post about “Tosin’s List” instead! 🙂