This is a spontaneous blog post that just needs to be written right now! I am writing this blog post from a weird, potent, and strangely pleasing mix of joy and sadness!
Firstly the joy: God has been so good to me – seriously! A few days ago I had a very interesting day where I was going somewhere and the trip was truly eventful. My normal reaction would have been to reach for my pc mouse and start pouring out a rant on my Facebook page. So that was what I was tempted to do in this case – except that the trip was so unsmooth that I could not help thinking how blessed we were that it was not a lot worse, and that nothing really bad happened. And that got me thinking about my usual response to things. My goodness, I am ALWAYS complaining! Wow, just how did I turn into such a miserable old grumpy-boots? (Or whatever the phrase is!) It really struck me that life is not perfect, and people are not perfect, and we really have to make the most of the joy where we can find it, and take the best out of each situation! In a way, yes, this is so obvious. However, to actually do it… And then reflecting on it, it occurred to me that God has been so unspeakably good to me, and blessed me with such an amazing life! I have so much to be grateful for. His provision, His protection, His love, my great family, peace, joy – so many things! Dear Lord, please help me to stop complaining! Rather, please help me to see Your grace and Your love in every situation, and to celebrate the goodness that happens all around me! I also need to apologise to everyone who has had to encounter my constant negativity on my Facebook page! By God’s grace, that will be changing. The challenge then would be to not be fake in positivity, because that can be soul-destroying too 😉
And yet, despite the positivity, this post is also written to you with more than a slight tone of sadness too. Because today, I have finally been forced to say goodbye to a potential HW candidate on whom I was secretly hanging a few unspoken hopes! (Dear Lord, while I would be ecstatic to discover that he in any way reads my blog, please let him not know that I am speaking about him, otherwise I think I would actually melt in mortification!) Yeah, I have to admit that I was kinda hoping….it was always going to be a bit of a long shot…and I actually was not praying at all, so clearly that did not help! Yeah, next time I will pray so much harder! I’m getting more and more clued-up about this Huggie-Wuggie thing…
So today, I’ve found myself in the position of actually stalking someone online! I never do this, because it is so embarrassing, and I’m always petrified that somehow they will be able to work it out that I am checking them out! (Erm, when I say that I never do this, that does not mean that I have not done it in the past! Because I certainly have! Actually, hee hee, I’ve found myself in the position of checking out not one but two potential HW candidates recently – hee hee!)
Anyway, about this particular one, who is causing me to sigh at my computer screen right now, the fact is that a relationship between us would probably always have been highly improbable. We would probably have been very badly matched – or perhaps I am just telling myself that to make myself feel better! As I write this, I’m acknowledging something about myself: as a person, I am so much in love with the idea of being in love that there is even something exciting and enjoyable about being able to talk about frustrated romantic yearnings! I should also make it very clear that this person does not even know that I exist, in that sense! But still! I am now going off to sigh copiously into my pillow. Dear Lord, perhaps I have been incredibly silly! Perhaps my attitude to guys on the whole is incredibly silly generally! But dear Lord, I pray that You will bring someone (else) with that compelling mix of faith and ahem, everything else, which I found so compelling. (See how even on my own blog I am scared to spell it out?! What kind of fearless lion/warrior am I, anyway?!)
In the meantime, goodbye to a certain someone who does not really know me, and who is unlikely to ever see this post. Wishing you all the best in life, and that all your dreams come true! 😉
Flower image by Josch at Pixabay