OK last week, we looked at the Proverb of the Milk and the Cow, which encourages ladies to insist on the highest standards of sexual purity in their relationships. By the way, this blog is not about encouraging guilt or shame. I think that these emotions are completely useless because they just cause you to feel bad about yourself. If you have done anything that you have cause to regret, then ask God for forgiveness, do whatever needs to be done to put things right, forgive yourself, then move on. If you are still doing whatever it is, then stop doing it – then proceed as above.
The post this week is considering another subject: Just because a man would marry you does not mean he loves you. Apologies, even as I write this, I accept it might sound so negative. Last week I made the point that if a man tried to pressurise you as a woman to sleep with him, then this is someone that should be ditched altogether, rather than persuaded/encouraged into marriage.
In the “Proverb” post we also considered the possibility that a man might pretend to maintain high standards of sexual purity for the sake of deceiving you into marriage, after which he might feel free to reveal his true nature.
However, let’s say that someone comes who truly does seem to exemplify standards of sexual purity to the utmost; who has been demonstrably scrupulous and conscientious in any previous relationships or romantic interactions, who would offer you marriage. On the outside, everything looks fantastic. They are well-dressed, well-spoken, good mannered etc, hold down responsible jobs, and they want to marry you! They are not asking you to accept anything less. What could possibly go wrong?
Simply this: just because such a person would marry you, does not mean that they love you. While all these factors are excellent, they do not necessarily represent or guarantee love. I have often wondered how people end up in “loveless marriages” and I think that there are many relationships even between “strong” Christians which are not based on love. This is why many Christian marriages can be cold. Someone might not ask you for sex before marriage; they might GENUINELY run away from sexual impurity, such a person might outwardly appear to be upstanding. But deep down in their hearts, they might still believe that your place as the woman is to be controlled, or exploited. I believe that if someone is not motivated by love and an utter commitment to living the Bible, then no matter how excellent they might appear, or how much Bible they can quote, there will be pain or friction or disharmony in any marriage they might be involved in.
So ladies, I believe that we should hold out for men who truly love us. Yes, they do need to be excellent in their pursuit of purity and excellent in every other way too. However, I think that the best standard is to look out for someone who utterly loves God and makes God central. I believe that sometimes, even where emotions have run out or faded, someone will still continue to invest their love into your life because of their commitment to God.
1 Corinthians 13v1:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
Photo of bride and groom by Glady on Pixabay