To be honest, as I write this post, I have to admit that I don’t have a general destination in mind or even a point about marriage that I want to make. I’m just writing this post as a way of expressing general positivity about marriage, and I’m also writing it to emphasise my commitment to this subject and also my commitment to this blog. I am also writing it as an end of year post, to kind of seal up this year. As with my other blog, it has been so long since I last posted to this blog! However, I have definitely not forgotten!
If I am to be perfectly candid, the main impulse to keep thinking about this subject comes from my own heart – do I really need to go into details?! (I am just going to digress majorly – and thus demonstrate that I genuinely have no concrete destination in mind with this post by telling you of a date idea that just occurred to me right now, in the context of “having no set destination”. I just had a picture of just wandering hand in hand with a husband, and just going out together to randomly explore a new part of a city together, with no particular destination in mind, just taking in sights, sounds, joking, laughing, talking, snacking on small delicacies (there must always be food!) and with no obvious concrete goal in mind, together whiling away a few hours in a way that might on the surface seem “unconstructive” (and spending as little money as possible – I guess I “secretly” feel that money is anti-romantic)).
It seems as if everything in life is so directed, so targeted, and goal-oriented (and money-driven), in a way it seems like such a luxury to imagine having the time to do this, with typical busy lifestyles. And yet – sigh! I’ve got to hand it to myself – I am such a romantic! I am starting to think that “romantic” simply means “you and me, together, celebrating our togetherness”. It is also not about buying a package of ready-made romance that someone else has already put together for us, but rather investing our time, our skills, our efforts and our creativity to tenderly, skilfully and painstakingly craft something that is personally meaningful to us. Which I guess is why I can’t help thinking that any “romance” that can be bought ready-made with money is automatically unromantic.)
Anyway, I am now going to pull myself back down to earth to just try and write a coherent blog post! So yeah, erm, as I was saying (!) the main impulses to keep writing about this come from my own heart, and I don’t think those impulses are going to go away any time soon! So I guess this is going to continue being of interest to me for a while…
Recently I’ve been thinking that marriage is such a good thing, and while it has its challenges, it also has the potential to be so earth-shatteringly lovely, especially when two hearts are passionately, desperately in love with God, and passionately, desperately in love with one another. Once again, I’m starting to think that being “in love” is about liking one another, liking one another’s character, caring deeply for one another, sincerely wanting the best for one another and with one another, being filled with so much positivity towards one another in those most mundane and unglamorous situations in life. And you know what? Sometimes I get so excited about who God is, the life He has stored for us, that I would love to have someone to share that with, someone who is as excited as I am, so that we can set one another off, and our eyes can glow with excitement, and we can be so joyful about the privilege of serving God together in our lives. What a happy prospect that would be!
In my absence from writing these posts, I have thought of a dozen ideas. I need to direct and order my thoughts into actual coherent posts. I wonder whether it would be constructive to talk of a few of these ideas here. I have been having ideas that quite clearly relate to marriage generally, and then also ideas that are specific to myself, to give me a greater understanding of the way I am moved the way I am, relative to other people. One of these ideas is that I simply have a very high “huggie-wuggie” quotient. I am just romantically oriented. For me, the marriage is a valuable end in itself, not for the sake of the supposed financial stability (I genuinely don’t care. If there were kids, then yes I would care.) Not for the kids themselves, or the social status – but the marriage itself. And I equally need a man who has a high huggie-wuggie quotient. Not everyone is like this. Many other people are a lot more prosaic and matter-of-fact about getting married. For me, the marriage itself has to be amazing. The interaction between us has to be sky-high. This is just the person I am. This is just the way God has made me. I don’t understand people who are not like this, and I dare say they don’t understand me either.
And then I was also thinking to myself just yesterday that I actually have to be crazy about my husband. Is this saying the same thing twice? Perhaps these things to me feel like two separate things because they occurred to me on two different occasions. However to try and distinguish between them, the “high huggie-wuggie quotient” means that I need all those hugs and talks and holding hands and heart-to-hearts – I just need all those to thrive. The “need to be crazy about him” is like this: if it were possible to have all these heart to hearts, and hugs, and holding hands and so on and so forth with a husband with whom I was less than crazy, that simply would not work for me. I physically need to adore him. Seriously. Seriously.
1 Peter 1v22:
22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit[a] in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart,