OK, once again I’ve been assessing my own thoughts about marriage. I’m very aware that my thoughts and my writings have been very, very negative.
I was wondering why this is, and trying to look at the issue from a Biblical/holy viewpoint.
The fact is that marriage is beautiful, or should be! I know this! It is thinking about it in this way that makes me want to get married at all! Thoughts of sincere communication, honesty, tenderness, love and so much passionate hand-holding make this immensely attractive. Also, being there for one another, and knowing that even through disagreements and episodes of friction, you will remain committed to one another. Being able to support one another, praying with and for one another, sharing Bible passages, just “being”. Oh and I almost forgot – and eating, laughing, joking, intellectual discussions….all of these things are so excellent, and make marriage so desirable for me. And I guess I should also mention taking on other responsibilities together – buying a house, sharing income, but chiefly bringing up some children together. However, for me these are secondary. In marriage, I am not primarily looking for someone to share responsibilities with. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to seek someone to share responsibilities with. Rather I, (and I emphasise that this is what I want), am looking for someone to share life itself with.
Either way, marriage is a good thing. It was created by God, so we can trust that it was created to be excellent, and fulfilling and joyful and altogether wonderful.
So on one hand I know this, and in thinking about marriage I sometimes let my mind wander in dreams about a beautiful partnership. But on the other hand, I also like to keep myself grounded in reality. I guess the reason for my negativity is because I can look around and see that the reality often does not match up with the theory. I know that things should be different for Christians, or anyone else who claims to put God and love at the centre of their lives, and who claims to be empowered by an Almighty God. However, I also know that things can often appear to be worse between professing Christian spouses than among those of no faith. I also know what the issues have so often been for other Christians. I almost can’t help thinking to myself “What if… and what about if?” I know in theory that these “ifs” should not happen, but then I think about the many times that the theory has not appeared to have held true for various Christians. Because the word of God, the Bible is always true, I can’t help thinking that many times this is because Christians are not always what we appear to be, and we can all become experts at hiding our true motives and our true selves behind endless quotations of scripture. However, sometimes Christians will be 100% sincere on starting off, and will slowly and gradually move away from the truth. This would also contribute to a less successful marriage, if someone started off as Mrs 99% holy, and slowly drifted away until she became Mrs 60% holy…and slowly carried on drifting in the wrong direction…
Anyway, I think I now understand why my thinking has been so negative about this. From now on, I’m determined to be positive about my own life and future desired marriage. Yes, I am obviously aware that there is a considerable potential that things could go wrong, and I’m also aware of the other Christians who started off as fervent as I and the man I will eventually marry*, but whose initial fervour could not of itself grant them an excellent marriage. I am not going to look at these things, or at these examples. Rather I am going to look to God, who made marriage in the first place. I am going to trust Him that He will lead me to the correct husband in the first place, and that He will keep us both deeply in love with Him, and loving one another in tender sincerity and lots and lots of humility. Yes, there are of course bound to be issues, but I will keep looking to God that He will work in His omnipotent power in any situation, and “do His God thing” to keep our marriage strongly rooted, and precious and beautiful!
So from now onwards, I am joyfully going to cultivate positive expectations all the way forward. Oh yes! 😉
*(That is, I don’t know who he is yet, but naturally I know that he has to be fervent!)
The desire of the righteous is only good,
But the expectation of the wicked is wrath.
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