I’m currently struggling to decide whether many of my recent blog posts here have been overwhelmingly negative. If you have been reading my posts, and you think that this is true, then please forgive me. It is certainly true that my mind has been in quite a negative and even bitter place for a quite a while and this will inevitably have dripped into my thinking as expressed here. I hope it is fair to say that something positive has happened to my thinking over the course of the last week. I’m really hoping that I will be able to put aside the angry posts and look forward once again to the beauty of marriage, the reasons I am writing this blog in the first place. These are expectations of tenderness, intimacy, holding hands….
That said, I have to admit that this is not the first time I have written words along these lines. And then within a short while, back I fall straight into the negative thinking.
This time I am hoping it will be different for reasons that are difficult to describe. Rationally I know that marriage is difficult. And yet I know that an excellent marriage is worth it. I can now see that my expressions of negativity were actually an expression of fear – a big fat “What if?” And then in my mind I just could not help turning over all the negative things that might possibly happen…
The place I’m at now, in my mind it feels as if God has granted me a reassurance, saying “Relax girl!” So now it feels as if I can breathe a big sigh of relief, mentally put aside all the fear about all the bad things that marriage might represent, and focus instead on all the positive and exciting things that would make me happily dream of marriage… So I am excited about that, and I am hoping that God will give me a husband who will make all of this amazingly worth it! 😉
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Photo of water from Pixabay