Well you know how I said that I might be winding down activity on this blog? And I explained the reason why?! Well when I wrote that post I was in the grip of acute emotions, an immense loneliness. Guess what?! Over the last few days, those feelings have largely subsided. Now these feelings have been/were building for months and I did not know how to deal with them. I myself have been praying more, trying to throw myself back into intimacy with God, trying to remember what I usually do which means I usually do not have to encounter these feelings on this kind of scale. I’m grateful that God has answered my prayers. And yet I can’t help wondering whether there may have been other prayers at work besides my own. In short, could this be yet another example of my being prayed for? Things are so much better now that I don’t feel that I need to give up my writings here any longer.
Looking back on it now, I am asking myself – so what exactly was the big deal?! And yet it was a big deal, those feelings hit me so strongly. To get to the point where I was seriously considering having to stop writing for this blog which I absolutely love, it must have been serious! I’m just shaking my head.
And once again I am saying “thank you!” If you have been praying for me, thank you! If you have been praying other prayers for me which I have not even noticed in my life, thank you for that too! I have been grateful for everything. This is one aspect which I am especially grateful for (tears!) This is something for which I was crying out to God in near frustration for so long, not even understanding how to start tackling the matter!
So what I’d like to write about today is about the importance of everyday life for a marriage. Once again I was watching Jimmy and Karen Evans from Marriage Today, and I have to admit that this idea is pretty much just lifted from the episode I watched yesterday! What happened yesterday and what always happens is that I will watch or read something, and my mind will start elaborating on what is expressed there, until I feel that I have a tangible and constructive addition to make. So Jimmy was saying yesterday that marriage is a day by day thing; you can’t expect what you did yesterday to still linger; you have to get fresh vision, fresh passion and fresh fire for today. (Expressed in my own words!) Surely that is essentially what I have been saying on this blog all along anyway! And then that triggered off these thoughts in my mind. Firstly I have to admit that I sat down trying to envisage what it might look like in my own marriage as we tried to love one another on a day to day basis. This is something that many people have said, of course, and it is what Jimmy was saying yesterday, that it is what you do every day that will give you a great marriage. So I was thinking that what you do every day will be like the bass note of your marriage (initially spelt “base” – ha ha, not a musician!) And then once you’ve got a great consistent interaction within your marriage, then you can build in exciting complexities to add fun, spice, vibrancy into your marriage. These additional frills will work most effectively though when they are built on an interaction that is already quite solid.
Jimmy made a point that I have also made before on this blog, that it is not about those one-off grandiose gestures, elaborate gifts in either direction, trips, flowers, chocolates; but rather it is about the day to day things; the caring, the listening, the being there, the being completely attentive to one another. Jimmy was making the point that it can be so easy to start taking one another for granted, after years of living together; it can be so easy to stop making an effort for one another. The sermon was all about the need to continue pursuing one another as vigorously as when you were initially trying to win one another.
Could that happen to me?!
So I was watching this, as a single woman, and to be honest, part of me was incredulous, that I would ever get to a point of taking my husband for granted in that way. This is in part because marriage has always been so important to me and I have been dreaming for so long about I will relate to this man, and the tenderness that we will share. But then it occurred to me that it is probably the same for everyone: no-one ever thinks that they will get to a stage where they will stop caring so much about their marriage. And yet just this consistently and predictably happens in marriages everywhere. I guess that the way life works is this: once that crushing urgency of finding and securing a mate has been dealt with, then you move on to the next urgency, the next overwhelming demand. And such is the way life works that these urgent demands can follow one another so quickly that even something something like your marriage, which you dreamt of so much beforehand, can quickly be pushed to the back of your priorities.
And then I’m thinking that my husband and I will likely both be extremely busy, as is everyone else in the world. Even with so many excellent intentions, it must be so difficult for couples to dedicate consistent time to and for one another; time to sit around talking, listening, laughing, flirting; getting dressed up “to the nines” for one another, going out on beautiful dates or simple ones; going for long walks, holding hands; admiring one another, revelling in the delight of being together! And yet this is the substance of marriage. This is what will empower our unity through difficult times. This is what will keep us from becoming strangers from one another even as we both change, but will rather keep us being best friends. This is what will keep us feeling as if we are on the same wavelength, and understanding one another implicitly.
So I guess in this post I am only saying what I have said several times before, and reaffirming my commitment to that, to keep trying, to keep being bothered. From where I am sitting now the hope of marriage is so strong and naturally I am so lovey-dovey that I can’t imagine myself being in that position where the fire has gone out. So I am thinking: “Dear Lord, please give me the determination to keep trying!”
Finally, in addition to the few things I have already written here, I am just wondering what consistent practices my husband and I could adopt into our marriage, to do every single day. Obviously this will need to be decided between my husband and me! I’m thinking ways of starting the day, ways of ending the day, greeting one another after work, always making time every day where we give one another our full attention. But then what I’m really thinking is this: (so romantic!) instead of having to carve out time to spend with one another, how romantic would it be to just literally do everything together, to go around holding hands all the time?! Depending on the compatibility of our careers… Well I think it’s romantic, although I accept that many people would not necessarily like this idea. I think that there is something powerful about being able to see and accept one another in your down-to-earth, casual everyday state, being able to just be with one another. And yet even with this you would still need to make time for one another where you are not being just casual but where you are making a big effort, going out of your way to impress one another. Hmm, happy thoughts!
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ———————————————————————–
Photo of couple holding hands by Takmeomeo on Pixabay