This then is the man that you are looking for – certainly the man that I am looking for: A man who is even stricter concerning sexual purity than you are. A man who is running away from even the slightest mention of “milk”, let alone appearance of it, let alone stooping to drink it. A man who is possibly over fussy regarding this issue so that even you roll your eyes. (I would be very impressed to meet a man who caused me to roll my eyes at his over-fussiness regarding sexual purity) – What would you prefer once you are married – a man who is over-fussy with other women regarding his sexual purity and commitment to his wife, or a man who is under-fussy? Now the thing is, you also have to be quite careful and prayerful, because some men are capable of pretending to be like this, for the sake of deceiving you into marriage – after which you might discover that they are actually just as bad, if not worse than others in this respect – so you have to look for a man who is doing all these things SINCERELY. (That is, a man might know that you are committed to purity, and might want a wife like you, so he might pretend to be like you, to tick all your boxes, or satisfy all your requirements. As he genuinely wants to marry you, he might not act this way around you like he might act around other women…until you are finally fully deceived, and you take the oath, and he can reveal his truly colours, knowing that your commitment to Christ would make you unwilling to divorce him…) Also, a man who is not trusting in his own strength for all of this, but is trusting in God. A man whose focus is utterly on God. Here I am going to demonstrate that I am a hypocrite, but frankly I would prefer a man who had not participated in – or even stayed to watch – any weird kind of dance. A man who has made up his mind, that by the grace of God, he must NEVER even look towards the boundary of sexual propriety – but is running as hard as he possibly can in the opposite direction. A man who has thrown himself upon God’s mercy to empower him for this determination. A man whose determination is reflected in his actions. And not because he does not want “it” at all (this too would be quite bad – not nearly as bad, of course (I can after all always do my dance on him…) – but still quite bad!), but rather because he only wants it in God’s way – that is, bound by the confines of a holy, legal, faithful marriage between two responsible adults committed to one another in a lifelong covenant that is “rock-solid” because it is built on the Rock, that is, Jesus Christ, His love, His word, His teachings, pursuit of Him.
When I say “whose determination is reflected in his actions”, this is what I mean. What is the point of doing all this then filling your ears with sexually suggestive music, or your eyes with sexually suggestive films? I love cinema and I have twice now subscribed to a cinema card for unlimited cinema movies for a low monthly fee. But I have both times cancelled the contracts because what would happen is that I would sit and fill my head with all these romantic comedies – some of which show very explicit sex scenes – and I know that this is not good for me. Or how about the hundreds of very erotic and very, very sexually explicit
novels books that I used to devour up until just a few years ago? Ladies, I think you know the ones I mean! These are not actions that correspond to a determination for sexual purity. After reading an article celebrating Beyoncé’s 30th birthday, I put up a link on my Facebook wall acknowledging that this woman is definitely a champion in life, by virtue of her work ethic, and a resolutely positive attitude. And yet, I have never deliberately listened to a single Beyoncé song in my life, and I don’t plan that that should change any time soon. Her music is so sexually charged that sometimes I have had to physically run away whenever it is played. I think we can all learn from her general attitude but I would NEVER encourage anyone to listen to her music. In fact, that link on Facebook was the first time I ever recognised that there was anything good to be learned from her.
So these are all things to bear in mind then when assessing the character of a potential spouse. Also, you don’t want someone naïve who believes that everyone is nice, and does not understand his own capacity for sin or know that some women might deliberately want to break up his marriage and ruin his life… And when you have found someone like this, suitable in this and every other way, then you have to just start praying and never stop; not only for him but also for yourself, and not only for yourself but also for him. Pray, and pray and pray and pray…..
None of these things guarantee (of course) that you or your husband will not commit adultery; even holy and wise people fall – look at King David in the Bible. However, the probability of a serious mistake is obviously going to be much much lower than if you have not made this determination 😉
12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Photo of Dairy Cow from Public Domain Image