Well I have a little confession – that is that I am still writing out the subdivisions of the first essential characteristic for my husband. However, it’s quite a big characteristic – admittedly the most important one, and part of me worries that I could talk about it for the next year without ever moving onto the second characteristic. I don’t know how honest I should be about writing this blog – this is probably a little too honest – but I myself am feeling kinda bored altogether about writing out these characteristics period….snore! Perhaps this is the marriage equivalent of taking your time to (tediously) set out good character traits and build your relationship upon a rock, even while you’re itching to get to the more “exciting” things to talk about!
Well I will still talk about the remaining aspects of characteristic 1, but I will also move forward now to talk about the other characteristics.
Tosin’s second over-honest confession – I’ve been thinking about characteristic 1 and its subdivisions for so long that I’ve actually kinda forgotten what the other characteristics were, and in what order, even though they were so strongly fixed into my mind! I guess that this shows that it’s the kind of thing I think about but there is a lot of fluidity about them, changing the order etc…. And it’s not a matter of “not writing them down”. I tend to be thinking about lots of things and mentally brainstorming a variety of issues at any given time, and I’m always writing things down. So the probability is that this info is in any one – or perhaps all – of a dozen notebooks- but which specific ones, and where exactly within them?! Actually, part of the reason that I like blogging is because it gives me a chance to clarify my own thoughts and bring a structure to them, even while presenting them to the world.
OK, so because I can’t actually remember what was officially my second characteristic, I think that what I’ll do here is that I’ll offer a quick brainstorm of other characteristics that I thought about, and within those assign a fresh ranking in terms of importance…
OK then, so these are a few of the different characteristics that I have thought about at length regarding my husband and what is important for me… By the way, I have said it once, and I think I need to repeat it over and over. When I say that these are important characteristics for my husband, I do not mean to imply that I myself am perfect in these areas and that I am in a position of judging other people’s attainment….. What I mean is that I know that these characteristics are important for marriage, and particularly my own marriage, and in many areas they include issues which I need to work very hard on myself.
Characteristic 1 which I have already covered at length is totally non-negotiable and impossible for me to forget and the absolute right choice – he has to be totally, totally committed to God
So these are a few of these further characteristics then:
*Mr “My Future Hubby” has to be *impossibly* ambitious – for God and spiritual issues, and also for secular things. Note I did not say “within church”. As a person, I like to dream big. I want someone who is able to exercise his power of imagination to think of huge things, and who can then get to work to make these things come to life, because that is what I aspire after in my own life, and I would not like to give up my own dreams to follow someone whose dreams are not as big as mine.
*My husband has to want marriage as much as I do. I don’t want someone who is going to feel forced or compelled into marriage. I want someone who wants it and knows that he wants it, and is willing to put in the necessary effort for it
*My husband has to have the same commitment to similar aspects of an excellent marriage that I do – Yes, I’m saying the same thing a second time, but from a slightly different perspective. Not only does he have to want marriage as much as I do, he has to aspire after the same things in marriage, and know that he wants them. This is because I do not want to feel that I am forcing a reluctant partner to do what he does not really want to do. He has to want an excellent marriage, full of communication etc etc. He has to want a marriage that not only avoids divorce, but is genuinely outstanding. He has to be prepared to put in the hard work that I am prepared to put in. He has to be prepared to pray as hard as I will. In fact, he is the man, he should be the leader, he should be greater – he should be prepared to do all of these more than I will. And I plan to do them a lot. I definitely DON’T want a man who knows that I will work very hard, and feels comfortable in slacking off because he knows that I will be doing all the work – praying and looking out etc.
I don’t want to have to drag you around, mister, and everyone knows that men are heavier than women!
*My husband has to aspire after the same things which I admire in him. Let me rephrase that: where I admire his character, this has to be something that he himself aspires after and chases in his own life. This will be so that he only gets stronger in the things that I admire, rather than weaker. I don’t want someone who appears to have excellent character because of a good upbringing, but is actually more interested in attracting a large following using charisma, and would sacrifice character for charisma if necessary.
*Conversely, the things my husband admires in me should correspond with the aspects of my life that I most diligently strive after. For instance, I have made up my mind to throw myself after God, not after the church, and to stand up for God’s truth, even within the church if necessary. If someone were to want to marry me, then he needs to embody those characteristics himself, and admire them very highly.
“…For with God nothing will be impossible”
He who walks in a perfect way,
He shall serve me.
[Hee hee hee!]
Photo of bride and groom by KGorz on Pixabay