Here I’ve tried to list down all my own personal values regarding dating and relationships. This page is likely to change a lot over the coming few weeks and months as I think of extra things to add, and as I change the ordering around. To be honest, I’m asking myself why I have never thought of creating this page before now! (Perhaps it is because this entire blog is essentially all about my personal values!)
So here are a few of my own personal values regarding relationships.
The whole point of this entire blog is this:
I refuse to believe that having a beautiful, thriving marriage is purely a matter of chance. I KNOW that there must be things that you can do to greatly enhance your chance of outstanding marital success. As one of those things must be choosing the right partner, common-sense dictates that the best time to apply many of these thoughts must be before you actually
a. make the choice of spouse and
b. seal the choice in marriage
I believe in
a. Knowing who you are yourself as a person, and being honest with yourself about what you truly want from a marriage
b. Getting to know someone very well, at least 2 years, before evaluating them as a potential spouse
The definitive post about getting to know someone well (for 2 years) here
A few further things:
God is the absolute centre of my life. God is my life itself. Everything I do revolves around my worship of Him, my commitment to His glory. Everything. Many Christians say this. However, in my case, I can say with all candour that it is absolutely true. I hope that everyone who has ever met me can attest to this.
A post about this is here
I’m definitely looking for a soulmate! Hugs, holding hands, romance, gazing deep into each other’s eyes….
—–I would value time and presence from my husband more than money – so I honestly don’t care about his financial status:
Some posts about money here and here
—–I am very conscious of the time pressures inherent in modern life, and how difficult it is for couples to find time to spend together:
Some posts about time/modern life here
—–I need to be crazy about my husband! I want someone to whom I am deeply attracted – and my pride insists that he must also be crazy about me! That said, I am very careful about avoiding empty infatuation:
Some posts about attraction here and here
Some posts about infatuation here and here
…And such a feminist!
Yeah, I’m romantic, and I am also a complete feminist – where’s the contradiction?!
When I say I am a feminist, what I mean is that I am extremely ambitious. I don’t like the idea of anyone standing in front of my dreams, and that includes my husband. I don’t understand why as a woman, wanting an amazing, earth-shattering marriage should mean that I cannot aspire to achieve other amazing, earth-shattering dreams in my life alongside this.
That said, my husband must come second in my life only to God.
Being a feminist also means that even if I don’t eventually get married, by God’s grace I aspire to excel in my singleness:
Some posts about excellence in singleness here and singleness generally here
I also believe that it is better to remain happily single than to throw your life away on an ill-advised marriage. I actually think that for me only an outstanding marriage would make it worthwhile to get married at all.
Some posts about whether it is better to remain single or to get married here
I believe that dating is a weak foundation to use to build a lifelong relationship because it necessarily presents a view which is unrepresentative of someone’s true nature and it encourages you to focus on superficial things. Dating definitely has a useful and powerful place though, and that is after marriage, when you’ve already made a great choice!
Some articles on dating here and here:
The alternative I advise is to get to know someone for 2 full years in a non-romantic context.
Once again, that definitive post outlining “the 2 year thing” is here
Additionally, I have some specific guy rules that govern the way I interact with men.
A post specifically about this is here
Photo of flower by Corina Selberg on Pixabay