Wow, as I sit here typing at this post, I am giggling away, for a number of reasons. A significant reason is that due to the day of the week that this is, this is “the wrong blog” to be posting to just now! However, there are other reasons which are even more relevant!
I’m equally excited and nervous to be writing this! It feels as if I have finally (!) found/come across a viable way of making the most of this blog. It’s like this: it has finally occurred to me to just have a section of this blog dedicated to those awkward interactions with guys, and all those things I wish I could say or tell them! I have essentially been doing that all along (of course!) but now it feels as if it has fully clicked into place in my understanding! That is, a viable way of addressing the issue which minimises further awkwardness!
I am so excited about this that I will here talk a little bit about the journey of coming to this place. I have been writing this blog for a few years now. I’ve always been so wary of using this blog to directly “speak to people” – and yet all the same I have done just that! It does feel a bit as if I’m abusing the remit of the blog. On the other hand, it is after all my own blog, so to a certain extent I can do what I like!
Over the last few days, I’ve been feeling somewhat confused, disorientated, unable to focus, concentrate, or work methodically through goals. I am now asking myself whether this idea was fomenting in the back of my mind, all along, secretly using up my mental resources (and thereby making me unable to concentrate, etc), waiting to make itself felt in my conscious mind.
Why is it such a big deal?!
The truth is that for me this is a big deal! There are and have been a few situations with male people where I wish I could address the issues but where practically speaking it does not seem possible. Some of these situations seem so all-consuming that I have been feeling completely pre-occupied with them. And then this is all about awkwardness of course. If there is an issue with a particular individual that you want to address, then frankly even the act of trying to make contact to explain the issue can itself cause extreme awkwardness. And then there is the fact that I am actually quite scared of anything that could appear awkward. And then there is always the question of whether I am being too forward as a girl* by contacting them at all… In all, big headache!
So with all that said, the big danger now is that I will spend all my time writing about these awkward issues, rather than accomplishing anything else!
*I have to keep reminding myself that I am a woman, not a girl! I guess this is not just about how I think of myself, but also how I think of people that I expect to interact with romantically. I guess I mentally tend towards people who describe themselves as “guys” rather than “men” and in my mental picture of our relationship it tends somewhat towards being cute and young, “a guy and a girl” rather than “A Man and A Woman”!
Photo of Brain Coral by Stux on Pixabay